Lessons
by volta arovet
Summary: Kabuto knows that a ninja is built lesson by lesson, and although he uses what he's been taught, he'd like to think, under different circumstances....


**Lessons**

_By volta arovet  
_

Naruto and its characters belong to Kishimoto. I make no profit off of this.

Thanks go to spacetart, akajin, and yukihyouchan for their help in creating and naming the jutsus. All jutsus used in this story are original. The vast majority of Kabuto's history and personality is based on speculation, but doesn't conflict with anything we've seen so far. Enjoy.

* * *

**Lessons**

_By volta arovet  
_

Sometimes I like to think that, if I had never met Lord Orochimaru, I...

* * *

"Kabuto, could you come here for a moment?"

My adoptive father calls me. I analyze his expression, tone of voice, body language, aura. They tell me everything I need to know about what he's thinking. Pathetic ninja. He never hides anything, not really. I doubt that he can. I never need to look at a patient to know if he will live or die. I can tell so with a glance at my 'father's' expression.

He lies straight to my face and I let him. No matter. It's so obvious, it's the same as telling the truth.

Right now there is concern, confusion, compassion, and a vague wariness. His wariness of me has always been there, as long as I can remember. It's stronger now than it usually is. I should put him more at ease.

* * *

_I hate him._

_Whom do you hate, Kabuto?_

_Everyone. My 'father.'_

_Why?_

_They took everything from me. He took everything from me and then he gives a little back and expects me to be grateful._

_You haven't lost everything, Kabuto._

_I still hate him._

_Good, good._

_He expects me to love him._

_That surprises you?_

_ He's scared of me. I can tell. Every time he looks at me, I can see it in his eyes. I frighten him and he still expects me to love him._

_Is that so._

_My parents must have been really strong._

_They were._

_I'll never accept him as my father. I hate him._

_As well you should. But you can't let him know that._

_I know._

_Treat him like his own son would. Let his love blind him. Call him...Papa._

_Yes, Lord Orochimaru._

* * *

"Coming, Papa."

He relaxes slightly when I call him that. He always does, but there's still something in his eyes. Something's wrong, something beyond how I forgot to take out the trash yesterday. (Oh, how terribly forgetful and typical and unthreatening of me!)

"Kabuto, sit down."

"What's the matter, Papa?"

He holds up a paper with a large "B-" scrawled across the top. "I'd like to talk to you about your exam."

* * *

_Worthless! Absolutely, completely worthless!_

_I thought the same of my classmates, Lord Orochimaru._

_Don't be smart, boy. I was talking about the quality of your reports._

_They're not to your liking?_

_ They're sloppy, inconsistent, incomplete, biased, full of useless information and void of the information I desire. No, Kabuto, they are not to my liking._

_I will do better next time, Lord Orochimaru._

_See that you do. If you are capable of it, that is. _

_And to think, only moments ago you accused me of 'being smart.'_

_When did you develop this disrespectful tone for me, Kabuto?_

_I believe it was a short while after you forbade me to use it on anyone else, Lord Orochimaru._

_Brat of a boy. I believe I shall keep you in my service, at least for a short while longer._

_Consider me relieved, Lord Orochimaru._

_I am not pleased with you. Your grades have been too high as of late. You're attracting unnecessary attention._

_I am sorry, Lord Orochimaru._

_Do you wish to be exposed as a spy, Kabuto?_

_I...of course not, Lord Orochimaru._

_Good. When is your next exam?_

_In two days' time._

_You will score exactly five points above the class's average grade. **Exactly.** Perhaps that will show you how much precision you must have in your information gathering. Is this clear?_

_Yes, Lord Orochimaru._

* * *

I am appropriately humble. Nice people are humble, aren't they? They admit their faults, don't they? And I am a nice person, for most intents and purposes.

"I'm sorry, Papa. It was a difficult exam. I'll do better next time, I promise." I am sincerity incarnate.

He rubs the bridge of his nose. Bad sign. "I'm not worried about your grades; I'm worried about you. Kabuto," he sighs and looks me straight in the eyes, forces me to meet his hated gaze, "you had all the right answers. You just erased them."

* * *

_Your eyes betray you._

_What?_

_Your eyes. Betray. You. A moment ago, what were you thinking?_

_...  
_

_Your eyes were filled with murderous intent, Kabuto. Was that aimed at me?_

_...  
_

_You wish to kill me._

_No, Lord Orochimaru. I was only caught by the violence of our sparring and the sight of my blood._

_So. A little violence and a little blood, and you suddenly believe that you'd be able to defeat me?_

_No, I—_

_ Your fighting jutsus are pathetic, barely at Chuunin level. What would you attempt to do? Heal me to death? Or take one of your cards and give me a papercut? Don't look away! That look in your eyes is a challenge. There are few who would forgive a look like that. I never want to see it turned on me again, is that understood?_

_Is that understood?_

_Yes, Lord Orochimaru._

_Take these._

_Glasses?_

_To hide your eyes. If you can't control your emotions, at least make it so no one else can see them._

_They're a little loose._

_ That makes it more natural when you adjust them. Practice with them until you learn to reflect the light when you need to. Don't let your reckless emotions be your downfall._

_Yes, Lord Orochimaru._

* * *

Rage swells within me.

Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn!

I duck my head, glasses catching the light and masking my eyes. It has become an automatic motion; I suspect that if I were to break all my alliances (both real and affected), alter my face, and start a new life under an assumed name, I would still hide my eyes in dangerous situations.

Damn it all!

How could I be so stupid?

I remember everything about that test now. Every detail.

It was hot.

My seat was by the window, and a sunbeam burned my forehead.

Another classmate had been sitting in the same seat before we were rearranged for the test, and he had left a puddle of sweat on the back of my chair. It soaked through my shirt and made it cling to the small of my back.

My neighbor bounced his knees up and down, shaking the row we shared.

A female classmate, worrying over a question, tapped the false nail of her index finger against her teeth. It had been applied quite some time ago; half a centimeter of real nail showed between the cuticle and candy-apple-red polish. The glue was loosening, and every tap made the nail bend a little more away from its bed.

My chakra was low, depleted from the harsh training Lord Orochimaru had put me through the day before. The newly healed skin on my arms itched terribly.

And suddenly I was sick of it. All of it. I was sick of pretending to be stupid, I was sick of pretending to be nice, I was sick of pretending to be friends with these weak, pathetic idiots who dare to share a room with me. I was sick of _Lord_ Orochimaru and his orders.

I was _tired_. All I wanted to do was escape, go somewhere secluded and merely be myself for a few hours. Just a few hours to pretend that Leaf and Sound had nothing to do with me, and I was free to be who I am and do what I want. Just a few hours. That's all I wanted. That's all.

So I finished my test in a few minutes' time, and it was _so pathetically easy_ that it was only as I walked up to the desk to hand it in that I realized I shouldn't have answered every question correctly. By then, I only had time to erase a few random answers and hope that no one noticed.

"Your grades...they've been low on purpose, haven't they? You've been intentionally deceiving me when it comes to your abilities."

And now someone has noticed, and my false identity has been uncovered.

* * *

_You are angry with me._

_Yes, Lord Orochimaru._

_Why?_

_Yesterday, you told me that I couldn't challenge you. That no matter what I wish, I can't show that I'm cross with you._

_Your point is?_

_ I thought my subservient weakling act was only for the Leaf fools. Are you saying I must act like that around you, too? Do I always have to pretend to be someone else, even when I'm around you?_

_ Kabuto, Kabuto. Everyone pretends. They wear a mask, trying to hide their weaknesses, trying to avoid pain, trying to be something they are not. You, at least, are aware of your mask. Most people aren't that fortunate._

_Lucky me._

_Bitterness doesn't become you, Kabuto. Everyone acts like a subservient weakling when faced with someone much stronger than they are. Those who don't tend to live very short lives._

_Is that a threat?_

_It is a warning. I already give you much more leeway than most, but you should know your place._

_When may I have your permission to show my true face to someone?_

_ I suppose a few circumstances may permit it: when your true identity has been discovered, when you are about to kill the witness, or when you are prepared to face death at the other's hands. Although I would prefer you wouldn't in the last situation, there's little I could do to stop you then._

_I look forward to one of those opportunities._

_You are joking, Kabuto?_

_Of course, Lord Orochimaru._

* * *

Lord Orochimaru is wrong, of course. My false identity isn't a mask, to be put on or taken off whenever I wish. It's a tightrope act without a net, every step cautious and precise. One misstep, one moment of inattention, one unexpected breeze, and suddenly I feel the rope sliding from beneath me. I know the price spies who are caught must pay.

I feel myself stumble, ready to fall, and I think...

How foolish of me to fall, when it would be so much more entertaining to **jump**.

"Why are you smiling?"

Am I smiling? I suppose I am. I raise my eyes to him and he takes a step back. I lift a hand and graze it over my lips. A genuine smile. It _must_ be genuine because I didn't force it there. It just occurred naturally, without any thought, so it must be real. And, judging by my 'father's' expression, it must be terrifying.

"Congratulations, Papa. You're absolutely right. I've been hiding my abilities for years." I advance on him. He holds his ground, foolish ninja. He probably thinks that it's only my mental abilities I've been hiding.

"Why?" His mouth is dry, I can tell by his voice. Pupils dilated, pulse rapid, deep breathing—he's frightened, but preparing to attack.

Moments later, he does. He didn't even let me answer his question! How rude. He aims for the left side of my neck and my inner right arm: pressure points that would leave me momentarily incapacitated but ultimately unharmed, if he had actually connected with either of them. He still cares for my well-being. How sweet.

* * *

_You know of the Hyuga clan's style of attack, do you not, Kabuto?_

_Of course, Lord Orochimaru. I wrote the report myself._

_Then you are familiar with the concept of using one's chakra to disrupt your opponent's chakra flow?_

_Yes...Lord Orochimaru, you're not implying that I—_

_I am._

_ Sir, the position of the open points varies too greatly for each individual. No matter how much I study, I could never reasonably expect to—_

_ But the position of nerves is relatively consistent within the human body, is it not? Water, chakra, electrons...anything that flows may be redirected, or blocked._

_Yes, of course, Lord Orochimaru._

* * *

All it takes is two fingertips on his right shoulder, and he is paralyzed from the neck down. Admittedly, not _completely_ paralyzed. The redundancy of nerves is rather amazing, and with a bit of effort he might be able to move his left shoulder, for all the good it would do him. He falls backwards, and since he is unable to break his fall, I catch him before he hits the ground. It wouldn't do for him to accidentally knock himself out.

"_Why_, Papa? _Why?"_ I cradle his head on my lap. "I suppose I could say this is revenge for the death of my parents." I fish a small kunai out of the secret pocket behind my neck and skim its tip over his cheek, never breaking the skin, just applying enough pressure so he knows it's there.

"I suppose I could say that Lord Orochimaru offered me a better deal—we're going to burn this village to the ground, you know." His eyes widen when he hears the sannin's name. Just for fun, I raise the kunai so the point is directly above his right pupil. He looks away. I match the movement with the kunai. We play this little game until he tightly closes his eyes.

"But I don't think that's really the reason."

I smile and slice the poisoned tip of the kunai down his jaw.

* * *

_This particular viper's venom activates all the nerves in the victim's body at once, essentially causing intense pain without a clear physical source. It's particularly effective when used on a member of a group and combined with a stimulant to keep the victim conscious. In one move, you can incapacitate one enemy and keep the others distracted. Do you think you could find a use for this, Kabuto?_

_Yes, Lord Orochimaru._

* * *

It's regrettable that I had to paralyze the majority of his body before subjecting him to the poison-stimulant mixture. The best thing about the venom is that its effects are equal at all parts of the body; one can't isolate where the pain is coming from. The victim will claw his face, hands, chest, even break his own bones, just to give the pain some focal point.

His involuntary spasms cause him to flop about on the floor. His mouth is gaping wide in a silent scream. He resembles a fish pulled from the water. At the moment, he has as much personality as a fish; when subjected to extreme enough pain, everyone's expression becomes the same. It's interesting to watch the change, from thinking individual to just another pain-filled body. Then again, he never had a strong personality to begin with.

I keep his head cushioned on my lap. On the off chance that he opens his eyes again, I want my face to be the only thing he sees. My lips still hold that curious, genuine smile.

His movements still. His eyes snap open. I pause to examine his face. I want to see the moment he switches between life and death, that one brief moment that isn't the cessation of breathing or the stopping of heart beats, but is simply the moment when he himself _stops_.

Ah.

There it is.

He's gone.

Strange, how something can be so satisfying, yet cause such a desire for _more_.

But 'more' must wait. There's evidence to be disposed of.

* * *

...and, I think, despite the reasons I gave...

* * *

_ Nanzen chiisai haretsu no jutsu: the thousand small ruptures technique. It causes spontaneous apoptosis of all of a body's cells, total destruction of all genetic material they could possibly use to identify the body. _

* * *

...although they might have been true at some time or other...

* * *

_Sensai honoo no jutsu: the delicate blaze technique. Supposedly, only Anbu know this jutsu. It consumes non-living material, leaving no ash or scorch marks behind. Learn to use this properly, and no one will ever know there was evidence to be destroyed._

* * *

...I'd like to think that, under different circumstances...

* * *

_Careful, Kabuto, or you will be caught._

_Who's there? Do I know you?_

_No, we've never met. Why do you do that to the squirrels?_

_You're not gonna tell my father, are you?_

_ No, I won't. You'll find I harbor little love among the Leaf-nin. Besides, who am I to discourage a young boy's hobbies, unusual though they may be?_

_My 'father' doesn't like it._

_But he's not really your father, is he?_

_No._

_ Exactly. Who is he to limit what you do? The idea of him being your father is ridiculous. Your true father would be ashamed, to be replaced with such a weak Med-nin. From the Leaf village, no less._

_You...you knew my father?_

_I knew both your parents. Briefly._

_What were they like?_

_Proud. Strong. And, ultimately, dead. You don't remember?_

_Not really._

_Such a shame._

_Did they love me?_

_ Does it matter? They had high hopes for you. You had the makings of a prodigy, they said, a true gift for understanding the inner workings of the body. They died before they could see their hopes realized, but yes, they seemed to care for you._

_Do you, do you think they'd be proud of me?_

_As you are now? No._

_Oh._

_Aren't you curious why?_

_It's because I'm a Leaf, isn't it?_

_Are you a Leaf?_

_I thought I was. My new father is._

_And so, since you belong to him, you are also a Leaf._

_I don't know. I thought so. What else could I be?_

_ Apparently, you believe that you are this man's property. Unless someone takes you in, you must stay here, is that right? Have you had no thoughts of living on your own?_

_You away?_

_ In a manner of speaking. Reject every drop of your enemies' charity. Live your life on your own terms, as much as that is possible. Be free to plan your revenge. They killed your parents, after all, robbed you of the life you might have led. Something like that can't go unanswered._

_Yes..._

_ Think how glorious it would be, to be free. Of course, you may face minor inconveniences. You'd have to hunt for your food, or attack others and take what they have. You're young and not well trained, so I suppose you would be more successful if you steal from children's pockets, or scrounge in the waste piles for your meals. Perhaps you will take bread from a store and spend the nights tucked away in an alley, trembling, pinching yourself to stay awake for fear that an officer might find you._

_I don't..._

_ You'll watch as your clothes turn to rags and your body ages to match your gray hair. Every day you'll drop exhausted to the ground and pray for a few minutes' time to learn what you can from another of your squirrels, because no one else would be willing to teach a street rat. Eventually, you'll probably have to prostitute yourself to earn enough to keep you alive for one more day. Is this the life you wish?_

_No!_

_ Then be content to fail your parents. Grow up a happy little Leaf who never thinks any more than he has to. Learn the healing arts from your 'father' and save hundreds of worthless lives. Forget your anger, your parents, your revenge. Think of how easy it would be, how happy you could be if you just give up! Why are you crying?_

_I...can't..._

_Speak up, boy. Wouldn't you be content to live a nice, easy, mediocre life?_

_I...I would..._

_Yes?_

_I would rather die in the streets._

_Good. You've finally shown a speck of boldness. Fortunately for the both of us, you have another option._

_I do?_

_Tell me, have you ever heard of the Sound Village?_

_No._

_ I didn't think so. Few have. It's a new village, composed of nin who have been wronged. Only the top nin, or those with the greatest potential are accepted. There, they are free to grow strong and learn without limitations. Nothing is forbidden and vengeance is smiled upon. All that matters is promoting the strength of the nin, and therefore, the village. Tell me, Kabuto, does this sound like something you would like to be part of?_

_I could join the Sound Village?_

_If you pledge your loyalty._

_And I could learn to be strong?_

_I would teach you myself, more jutsus than you even knew existed._

_And I could kill the people who killed my parents?_

_ You have fire in your eyes, but the flames are too low. Kabuto, when the Sound Village chooses, the entire Leaf Village will be burned to the ground. Will that please you?_

_Very much._

_I think that this is the first time I have seen you smile, Kabuto. Do you pledge your loyalty to the Sound Village?_

_I do._

_Leaf no longer, you are Sound._

* * *

I feel myself stumble, ready to fall, and I...

I regain my balance at the last moment.

"Why are you smiling?"

I raise my eyes to his and force a bashful blush. "I'm just embarrassed, Papa. I wasn't sure about some of the answers, so I guessed. Then I remembered that we get extra points off for wrong answers, so I erased most of my guesses." I rub the back of my neck, fingertips teasing the crease of the secret pocket. "You mean I guessed them right? Now I _really_ feel stupid."

He opens his mouth, preparing to say something, and for a brief moment every particle of me wishes that he'll call me on my lie and give me permission to act out my fantasy.

"What is it, Papa?"

He thinks better of what he was going to say and shakes his head. "Nothing. Just...study harder for the next exam. You can do better than this."

"Yes, Papa."

He turns from me, a signal that I'm free to return to whatever I'd been doing before. Lucky me. I get to return to the same boring, bitter, conventional Leaf life.

* * *

...and I'd like to think that, if I'd never met Lord Orochimaru...

* * *

_ Something occurred to me, Kabuto. Of all the reports you have given me, and all the questions you've answered, you've never answered the first question I ever asked you._

_What was that?_

_Why did you do what you did to the squirrels?_

_Oh, that. I had almost forgotten._

_At first I assumed you were using them for medical practice, but you had already advanced far beyond that, hadn't you?_

_Yes._

_Then, why?_

_Why do you think?_

_I think you like death, Kabuto, and it troubles me._

_It troubles you?_

_If your ultimate goal were immortality, would it not trouble you to have a physician who likes to watch things die?_

_I didn't do it to watch them die. I simply like knowing that, until the very end, I could save them._

_Did you ever save them?_

_Often enough to know that I could._

_Uniquely twisted from the start! No wonder you have learned so well._

_Thank you, Lord Orochimaru._

* * *

...I would have turned out exactly the same. 


End file.
